52.7% ● Oh gosh...

Today I look like this cat:

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  • My ex works in a call centre, they get treats if their stats are good, one that's measured is lost call rate- basically how many people hang up before they get through, when we broke up I rang/hung up repeatedly so him and the girl he cheated with didn't get to go to Alton towers.
  •   Twitter @Fesshole 🧻
    • I work 50/60 hours a week as a lorry driver. When I come home to relax, I love to play Scania Truck Driving Simulator.
    • Prices at my local chippy have almost doubled so I've started ordering an OAP special for myself. My wife says I'm a horrible person, but it's either that or I go elsewhere
    • Carpet fitter here, if I refuse a cup of tea from you with the excuse "just had one on the last job", it's because you are a manky bastard and I don't trust your hygiene.
    • Won tickets for Live8 through the radio 1 lottery text thing years ago. On the day was queued up and a guy offered us 1200 quid, each, for the tickets. Ripped his arm off and spent 2 days full of vodka and cocaine. Zero regrets.
    • The chunk of Berlin Wall on my desk draws admiring comments from colleagues & clients alike. It's really just a bit of concrete I fished out of a skip on a demolition site in Portsmouth.
    • Add your confession to the form:Maybe you did something illegal with a box of kleenex?BTW: Follow Fesshole's unpopular brother project @anon_opin NOW! http://bit.ly/fessholeform
    • I was about 30 before I realised that interviews are just 2-4 people lying to each other and this perfectly represents the wider working environment. I got loads more jobs after discovering this hack.
    • I hate staying at my in-laws' because their toilet flushes with less force than a squeezy ketchup bottle and takes an eternity for the cistern to refill.I find myself having to shit in installments and I'm gone for about 40 minutes each time and it's so embarrassing.
    • Thought I'd discovered a cluster of new moles on my foot. Even googled what they might be and was very close to getting a doctors appointment. Turns out it was just dried on gravy that I'd spilled on my foot at the carvery earlier that day.
    • On my last day at secondary school, I nicked a trumpet. It had been there for years and never used. I don't even know how to play the trumpet, but I felt the school owed me something.
    • I once had a threeway with a couple. They decided to put on an Elton John compilation album in the background. It felt ridiculous to be eating her out to The Circle of Life but I didn't want to ruin the mood.
    • Sometimes I do things like wiping or brushing my teeth with my left hand, just so I have some practice if my right arm is ever amputated
    • I recently moved into my new house where the previous owner has the same razor subscription as me. She hasn't changed her address on her account so I've cancelled mine and now I get 'free' blades every month. It's probably classes as stealing but at least I have smooth legs.
    • I live in the centre of a city and eat apples whilst driving in the car and store the cores in a bag. On more rural journeys I chuck them out of the window in places I'd like to see an apple tree growing in the future.
    • Sometimes I lie to my husband and tell him I need help opening a jar when I can actually do it myself. I just do it to stroke his ego.
    • Back when mobile phone top-ups came on little scratch panel cards I was once sat behind a guy on the bus who was scratching one and looking over his shoulder I managed to type in his code on my phone before he had even started on his. So I basically stole a tenner off him. Sorry
    • I'm a bus driver. If I see you get in trying to sneak on with glasses of alcohol etc, I won't stop you. I like to play a game of "how many potholes can I hit on the journey?" and "who can I make wear most of their drink?" Beep-beep.
    • RT Fesshole 🧻Message from admin: someone you might not be aware but Fesshole has an older and less popular brother. The first version of this idea we made was @anon_opin - which is the same format as Fesshole but a different question: tell us your awful OPINIONS. Do follow it if you like.
  • U.K. Police Investigate Online Threat to J.K. Rowling Sun, 14 Aug 2022 22:34:04 +0000The author of the “Harry Potter” books was threatened on Twitter after she posted condolences for the novelist Salman Rushdie, who was stabbed on Friday in western New York.
  • Relatives Clash With Police Over School Lockdown in Arizona Sun, 14 Aug 2022 23:29:13 +0000Two of the three people arrested during the altercation were shocked with stun guns by officers, the authorities said. The man who prompted the lockdown was also in custody.
  • Idaho Supreme Court Rules That Strict Abortion Ban Can Take Effect Sun, 14 Aug 2022 00:25:21 +0000In a late Friday ruling, the state’s highest court said that a ban could begin at the end of the month while legal challenges are reviewed.
  • Southern Baptist Convention Says It Faces Federal Investigation for Sexual Abuse Sat, 13 Aug 2022 01:03:25 +0000Church leaders disclosed that multiple Southern Baptist entities were under investigation and said that all would cooperate.
  • Some Republicans Make a More Restrained Case for Defending Trump Mon, 15 Aug 2022 01:31:23 +0000When some G.O.P. members of Congress attacked the nation’s top law enforcement agencies immediately after the F.B.I.’s search of Mar-a-Lago, it underscored deep fissures within the party.
  • Trump’s Shifting Explanations Follow a Familiar Playbook Mon, 15 Aug 2022 00:42:04 +0000The former president and his allies have given often conflicting defenses of his retention of classified documents, without addressing why he had kept them.
  • Thousands in Michigan Under Boil Water Advisory Sun, 14 Aug 2022 18:47:13 +0000The water main that provides several communities north of Detroit with drinking water was found leaking on Saturday morning, the authorities said.
  • Man Dies by Suicide After Ramming Car Into Barricade Near U.S. Capitol Sun, 14 Aug 2022 23:41:35 +0000The man exited the car and fired several shots into the air before shooting himself, said the police, who are investigating his motives.