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I'm a chemistry teacher. Since the start of the year, somebody's been pilfering the snacks I keep in my desk. They're about to learn the most importan...I'm a chemistry teacher. Since the start of the year, somebody's been pilfering the snacks I keep in my desk. They're about to learn the most important chemistry lesson of all: phenolphthalein indicator is also a powerful laxative.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 22:25:02 GMT
You know the dried up bits of ketchup round the neck of a bottle. I eat them. My wife thinks it's disgusting and gets annoyed that I purposefully make...You know the dried up bits of ketchup round the neck of a bottle. I eat them. My wife thinks it's disgusting and gets annoyed that I purposefully make a mess round the neck to make more. Try them - they are like tomato flavour haribo.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 21:25:02 GMT
One of the upsides of being dad to two young boys is that now if I accidentally piss on the toilet seat I can just leave it and know I'm not getting t...One of the upsides of being dad to two young boys is that now if I accidentally piss on the toilet seat I can just leave it and know I'm not getting the blame.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 20:25:02 GMT
When I was 20, I met the perfect man. Handsome, kind, funny, intelligent, generous. Invited him to my 21st birthday. He met my sister. They've been to...When I was 20, I met the perfect man. Handsome, kind, funny, intelligent, generous. Invited him to my 21st birthday. He met my sister. They've been together for 15 years and have 3 kids. Being her Maid of Honour was the hardest day of my life.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 19:25:03 GMT
I used to be an Asda delivery driver and I'd carefully pick what I fancied for my meals the next day by taking it out of a customers' shopping, then t...I used to be an Asda delivery driver and I'd carefully pick what I fancied for my meals the next day by taking it out of a customers' shopping, then telling them it got damaged in-transit. Victimless crime  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 18:25:02 GMT
When my friends whatsapp me a YouTube video they find funny, I just check the length of it, allow that time to pass and reply with this emoji 😂When my friends whatsapp me a YouTube video they find funny, I just check the length of it, allow that time to pass and reply with this emoji 😂  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 17:25:02 GMT
For the last 20 years I've referred to cushions as pillows, and pillows as cushions to deliberately to piss my missus off. Her head falls off with ang...For the last 20 years I've referred to cushions as pillows, and pillows as cushions to deliberately to piss my missus off. Her head falls off with anger at least once a week  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 16:25:02 GMT
My partner shines a light behind his penis and casts a shadow on to the wardrobe where there are two circle handles so looks like eyes. The whole thin...My partner shines a light behind his penis and casts a shadow on to the wardrobe where there are two circle handles so looks like eyes. The whole thing looks like Hey Duggee. I can't look at Duggee the same way.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 15:25:02 GMT
Ever since the missus tried one of 'her' toys on my bum a months ago, it has lit a fire inside me I never knew existed. I've met and slept with 5 men ...Ever since the missus tried one of 'her' toys on my bum a months ago, it has lit a fire inside me I never knew existed.I've met and slept with 5 men since it happened whom I met on Grindr whilst working away, I'm totally in a state of confusion.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 14:25:02 GMT
I love my husband very much but I fantasise about him leaving me and being able to say yes to all the rescue dogs that need fostering that he won't al...I love my husband very much but I fantasise about him leaving me and being able to say yes to all the rescue dogs that need fostering that he won't allow in our house.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 13:25:02 GMT
I am 26 years old but the only person myself and my partner have ever slept with is each other. We're engaged and both terrified that we've actually b...I am 26 years old but the only person myself and my partner have ever slept with is each other. We're engaged and both terrified that we've actually been having crap sex this whole time.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 12:25:02 GMT
Every time I quit a job I go off sick for the entire notice period. No annoying handover or goodbyes. Always get full pay.Every time I quit a job I go off sick for the entire notice period. No annoying handover or goodbyes. Always get full pay.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 11:25:02 GMT
Made instant gravy in a mug, and coffee in another. Sat down to eat and poured coffee over my pie. Made exactly the same mistake a week later.Made instant gravy in a mug, and coffee in another. Sat down to eat and poured coffee over my pie. Made exactly the same mistake a week later.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 10:25:02 GMT
My husband voted Tory. Nothing else in 16 years has made me consider divorce more seriously.My husband voted Tory. Nothing else in 16 years has made me consider divorce more seriously.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 09:25:02 GMT
I'm Scottish and the Alexa device frequently mishears me. If it does it three times in a row, I unplug it as a punishment.I'm Scottish and the Alexa device frequently mishears me. If it does it three times in a row, I unplug it as a punishment.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 08:25:03 GMT
So I didn't have to share, I told my boy he was too young for my yoghurts. Next day picking him up from school he announced dad you have man yoghurt a...So I didn't have to share, I told my boy he was too young for my yoghurts. Next day picking him up from school he announced dad you have man yoghurt all down your chin. Can't face his teacher again.  Sun, 25 Sep 2022 07:25:02 GMT
Our tap water comes from a well. I left the top off after checking the level in the drought. This morning i fished out a dead mouse. I haven't told th...Our tap water comes from a well. I left the top off after checking the level in the drought. This morning i fished out a dead mouse. I haven't told the wife.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 22:25:02 GMT
Having been in 4 disciplinaries at work, I can confirm that nothing scares an HR department like a call pretending to he a lawyer representing the mem...Having been in 4 disciplinaries at work, I can confirm that nothing scares an HR department like a call pretending to he a lawyer representing the member of staff.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 21:25:02 GMT
When my best friend and I were young, we stole a roll of loo paper from my house and went to a nearby wood. We both went for a poo against a tree and ...When my best friend and I were young, we stole a roll of loo paper from my house and went to a nearby wood. We both went for a poo against a tree and compared each other's turds. We don't ever speak about it now.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 20:25:02 GMT
The internet has ruined boobs for me. I recently saw someone online refer to boobs as 'mommy milkers' and now this horrible phrase plays in my head wh...The internet has ruined boobs for me. I recently saw someone online refer to boobs as 'mommy milkers' and now this horrible phrase plays in my head whenever I see a nice pair of boobs and I feel a little physically sick.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 19:25:02 GMT
My girlfriend loves having back massages. When she's annoyed me, I write my ex's name on her back while I'm doing it.My girlfriend loves having back massages. When she's annoyed me, I write my ex's name on her back while I'm doing it.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 18:25:03 GMT
Add your confession to the form: Maybe you did something unpleasant with a hp laserjet 5m printer? FYI: Sponsored by @hebtrocoAdd your confession to the form:Maybe you did something unpleasant with a hp laserjet 5m printer?FYI: Sponsored by @hebtrocohttp://bit.ly/fessholeform  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 18:15:03 GMT
My wife wanted to have a baby really badly but I wasn't really ready. In a vein attempt to delay things without her knowing I'd always try to make sur...My wife wanted to have a baby really badly but I wasn't really ready. In a vein attempt to delay things without her knowing I'd always try to make sure I "finished" whilst on an "out stroke" so my swimmers had further to travel. We now have 2 kids.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 17:25:02 GMT
I'm a woman, married to a decent man. I hook up and have sex with women from Tinder or Zoe once a week.I'm a woman, married to a decent man. I hook up and have sex with women from Tinder or Zoe once a week.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 16:25:02 GMT
When walking the dog, I sometimes see people I'm not keen to chat too so I have pretend calls on my mobile, giving them a quick nod and smile as I wal...When walking the dog, I sometimes see people I'm not keen to chat too so I have pretend calls on my mobile, giving them a quick nod and smile as I walk past them, whilst chatting away to no one. The walks are precious time for myself but boy, do I feel like a meanie afterwards.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 15:25:02 GMT
I recorded a video of me shitting on the floor for money. Only for the guy to receive the video and not pay me. He them promptly blocked me. I'm morti...I recorded a video of me shitting on the floor for money. Only for the guy to receive the video and not pay me. He them promptly blocked me. I'm mortified that the video is out there of me shitting on the floor  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 14:25:02 GMT
I've worked from home since 1st lockdown. At first I liked it, being around family. But now after 2.5 years I really hate it. I'm alone all day. I can...I've worked from home since 1st lockdown. At first I liked it, being around family. But now after 2.5 years I really hate it. I'm alone all day. I can't sit in a cafe and work because I'm on endless calls. My home is now as much my workplace to me as anything else and it's shit.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 13:25:02 GMT
Until quite recently I thought you could use less WiFi / data bandwidth by listening to streamed video and music quietly.Until quite recently I thought you could use less WiFi / data bandwidth by listening to streamed video and music quietly.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 12:25:02 GMT
My and my partner made a video one night, you know the kind, anyway, our 6 year old daughter had recently got a new iPad and somehow had the same phot...My and my partner made a video one night, you know the kind, anyway, our 6 year old daughter had recently got a new iPad and somehow had the same photos and videos. One day she came back from nans excitedly telling us she had watched us wrestling, and so had Nan. Mortified.  Sat, 24 Sep 2022 11:25:01 GMT