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      Twitter @Fesshole 🧻
    • I'm a chemistry teacher. Since the start of the year, somebody's been pilfering the snacks I keep in my desk. They're about to learn the most important chemistry lesson of all: phenolphthalein indicator is also a powerful laxative.
    • You know the dried up bits of ketchup round the neck of a bottle. I eat them. My wife thinks it's disgusting and gets annoyed that I purposefully make a mess round the neck to make more. Try them - they are like tomato flavour haribo.
    • One of the upsides of being dad to two young boys is that now if I accidentally piss on the toilet seat I can just leave it and know I'm not getting the blame.
    • When I was 20, I met the perfect man. Handsome, kind, funny, intelligent, generous. Invited him to my 21st birthday. He met my sister. They've been together for 15 years and have 3 kids. Being her Maid of Honour was the hardest day of my life.
    • I used to be an Asda delivery driver and I'd carefully pick what I fancied for my meals the next day by taking it out of a customers' shopping, then telling them it got damaged in-transit. Victimless crime
    • Add your confession to the form:Maybe you did something lovely with a dropped mic?FYI: Sponsored by @hebtroco http://bit.ly/fessholeform
    • When my friends whatsapp me a YouTube video they find funny, I just check the length of it, allow that time to pass and reply with this emoji 😂
    • For the last 20 years I've referred to cushions as pillows, and pillows as cushions to deliberately to piss my missus off. Her head falls off with anger at least once a week
    • My partner shines a light behind his penis and casts a shadow on to the wardrobe where there are two circle handles so looks like eyes. The whole thing looks like Hey Duggee. I can't look at Duggee the same way.
    • Ever since the missus tried one of 'her' toys on my bum a months ago, it has lit a fire inside me I never knew existed.I've met and slept with 5 men since it happened whom I met on Grindr whilst working away, I'm totally in a state of confusion.
    • I love my husband very much but I fantasise about him leaving me and being able to say yes to all the rescue dogs that need fostering that he won't allow in our house.
    • I am 26 years old but the only person myself and my partner have ever slept with is each other. We're engaged and both terrified that we've actually been having crap sex this whole time.
    • Every time I quit a job I go off sick for the entire notice period. No annoying handover or goodbyes. Always get full pay.
    • Made instant gravy in a mug, and coffee in another. Sat down to eat and poured coffee over my pie. Made exactly the same mistake a week later.
    • My husband voted Tory. Nothing else in 16 years has made me consider divorce more seriously.
    • I'm Scottish and the Alexa device frequently mishears me. If it does it three times in a row, I unplug it as a punishment.
    • So I didn't have to share, I told my boy he was too young for my yoghurts. Next day picking him up from school he announced dad you have man yoghurt all down your chin. Can't face his teacher again.
    • Our tap water comes from a well. I left the top off after checking the level in the drought. This morning i fished out a dead mouse. I haven't told the wife.
    • Having been in 4 disciplinaries at work, I can confirm that nothing scares an HR department like a call pretending to he a lawyer representing the member of staff.
    • When my best friend and I were young, we stole a roll of loo paper from my house and went to a nearby wood. We both went for a poo against a tree and compared each other's turds. We don't ever speak about it now.
  • We sold our house because it had a huge mouse infestation. We never told the buyers. Feel so guilty. An expensive parcel was incorrectly sent to my old address, I can't go collect it through the guilt.
  • Eye Candy News
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  • The Megastate G.O.P. Rivalry Between Abbott and DeSantis Sun, 25 Sep 2022 21:42:18 +0000Publicly, Gov. Greg Abbott of Texas has not criticized the migrant flights from his state by Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida. Privately, the Florida governor’s stunt stung the Texas governor’s team.
  • The Morning: The back story of the migrant buses Sun, 25 Sep 2022 11:28:24 +0000Republican governors’ immigration stunts are actually helping some migrants.
  • Dodging Blackouts, California Faces New Questions on Its Power Supply Sun, 25 Sep 2022 09:00:18 +0000Extreme heat is testing the way energy is generated, delivered and traded — and raising the prospect of perpetual emergencies.
  • Whatever Happened to the Starter Home? Sun, 25 Sep 2022 16:15:17 +0000The economics of the housing market, and the local rules that shape it, have squeezed out entry-level homes.
  • Puerto Ricans Fear Extended Blackout After Hurricane Fiona Sun, 25 Sep 2022 00:31:22 +0000Residents, who pay some of the highest electricity rates in the United States, say they have little patience for the kind of outages they faced after Hurricane Maria.
  • Renovated C.I.A. and N.S.A. Museums Offer a Peek at Spy Secrets — for Some Sun, 25 Sep 2022 14:48:49 +0000The Central Intelligence Agency and the National Security Agency both recently overhauled their showcases of espionage.